• Brainiac kid Kairan Quazi is now working with Elon Musk’s space team, and he’s only 14!
• This smartypants could talk in full sentences at 2 and solve math problems that give me a headache at 6.
• He’s working on some fancy “Star Link” thing, making internet for places that don’t have it.
• Less than one percent of people who apply to work at SpaceX get in. This kid did it before he could get a driver’s license!

So get this, Marge: Elon Musk, you know, the rocket guy with the electric cars, just hired this kid who’s only 14. His name’s Kairan Quazi. Talk about feeling underachieving! This kid was speaking full sentences when he was two. He makes Lisa look like Bart in school!

Anyway, this kid’s going to work on something called Star Link. I think it’s like a Star Trek thing or something, but apparently, it’s about giving internet to places that don’t have it. Like that one time when I forgot to pay the internet bill and we had to go to Moe’s to use the Wi-Fi.

Here’s the kicker though, less than one percent of people who apply to SpaceX get in. This kid must be as smart as that Comic Book Guy thinks he is. I mean, he got accepted before he could even get a driver’s license!

Task 4: Write one or two paragraphs giving Homer Simpson’s character’s personal opinion of the subject of the article:

Now, I don’t know much about this space stuff, but it sounds pretty impressive. I mean, working for the rocket man himself at 14? That’s something. But I gotta say, it feels like these smart kids are skipping the best part of life: being a kid! I mean, where’s the time to eat donuts, watch Itchy & Scratchy, and play pranks on Principal Skinner?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of Lisa and all her saxamaphone and school stuff, but I wouldn’t want her to miss out on the simple joys. Like that time we went to Duff Gardens or when we race on the sofa. I guess what I’m saying is, I hope this Quazi kid gets to be a kid, too. And maybe, just maybe, he can find a way to make donuts in space. Now that would be a real achievement!

• Al Pacino, that big Hollywood guy, is now a dad for the fourth time. This time with Noor Alfallah. Hey, that’s as many kids as I’ve got donuts in my hand!
• We got no idea where or when the baby was born. TMZ was the first to spill the beans, the nosy neighbors!
• This ain’t Pacino’s first rodeo. He’s got a daughter Julie Marie with Jan Tarrant, and twins Anton and Olivia with Beverly D’Angelo. The guy’s got more kids than I’ve got hairs on my head!
• Pacino and Alfallah started dating last year, and she’s a “raconteur,” whatever that means. She’s got a couple of movies cooking, one of ’em with Pacino himself.
• Pacino’s not the only old-timer having kids. His buddy Robert De Niro just had a kid too. He’s on his seventh! Now that’s a lot of diapers.

Well, sit tight and grab a Duff because this is some news! Al Pacino, that actor guy from ‘The Godfather,’ y’know the one who says “Say hello to my little friend!” He just had another kid! And he’s 83, can you believe it? That’s older than Mr. Burns! He’s named the little guy Roman. Now, don’t ask me when or where the baby was born, ’cause I don’t know. And I blame TMZ for spreading this news before anyone else.

Now, this isn’t Pacino’s first kid. No, sir! He’s got three others. There’s Julie Marie, who he had with Jan Tarrant. And then there are the twins Anton and Olivia, who he had with Beverly D’Angelo. The guy’s got his own little soccer team going on there!

Anyway, Pacino and Alfallah started dating last year. She calls herself a “raconteur” on Instagram. I have no idea what that means, but it sounds fancy! And she’s working on a couple of movies, and one of them stars Pacino. Talk about keeping it in the family, eh?

Oh, and get this: Pacino’s friend, that ‘Taxi Driver’ guy, Robert De Niro, just had another kid too. And that’s his seventh! I mean, I can’t even handle Bart, Lisa, and Maggie. How does he do it?

Personally, I think having a kid at 83 is a bit much. I mean, I love Bart, Lisa, and Maggie, don’t get me wrong. But they run me ragged! And I’m not even 83. I can’t imagine chasing a toddler around at that age. And De Niro, with seven kids? That’s just nuts. I can barely handle three! I guess these Hollywood guys are made of tougher stuff than me.

But hey, if they’re happy, who am I to judge? After all, having kids does make life interesting. And it gives you an excuse to watch cartoons, not that I need one. So, congrats to Pacino and De Niro. I hope they’re ready for the sleepless nights, dirty diapers, and endless questions. But at least they’ll get to watch ‘Itchy and Scratchy’ again. Every cloud has a silver lining, right?